WHOA! It was fucking Thanksgiving today!

So today was Thanksgiving.
It was great.
Love the food. Love the fam. Love it.

But today was weird.
Good weird but still weird.

Today I played Cards Against Humanity while drunk... with my mom...

That's... really weird.

So here are some preliminary facts about me so that you truly understand the feelings that today evoked in me.

My mom and I get along fine. She scares me a little but she's my mom and I think that's normal.
But we don't talk a super lot. We're just people who cohabitated for a little while and then I moved out and I call her now and again and I move back into her house when I'm in town and she spends money on me.

Like we love each other don't get me wrong.
But we aren't the fucking Gilmore Girls, Ok?

ok.
It was my turn to pick the winner and I chose "dick fingers" and who takes the card. MY MOTHER.
What?

How do you go from "my mom doesn't know my major" to "my mom and I now share an inside joke and that joke is 'dick fingers'"?

That's not real life.

Anyway later on my aunt was choosing the winner and she picked "double penetration" and of course it was me and everyone at the table was like "omg Morgan?" and my mom said "wow..." and I said "are you proud?" and she said "kind of"

So basically this was a long story to explain to everyone why I am the way I am.
Mostly I'd blame it on dick fingers, double penetration and similar incidents.

Don't play this game with your parents unless you're ready for it.
Or do.
It might work out super well.


PS I had to tell my mom what 'queefing' was so prepare yourself motherfuckers because this game isn't messing around.

So this is me doing horrible stand up (on purpose) and then a strip tease.
I'm pretty confident no one looks at this blog so I have little to no trouble posting it.

SO CHECK IT OUT, STRANGERS.

Let's Catch Up, Internet!

WOWIE WOW WOW.

It has been a long time, internet.
Two years.
Jeez.
Where does the time go?

First off, how have you been?
Great!
What have you been up to?
Neat!
Got any significant others now?
Yeah? He was a tool. I never liked him.
Did your boobs grow in ok?
Me neither, don't worry about it.

Me?
Well I'm in college now! Yeah! Indiana University!
I agree, It's pretty mediocre.
Last time we talked I was only 17. WOW.
I'm 19 now. Everything is so different!
No, I'm still pretty obsessive. And I'm still a vegetarian.
I guess I'm still pretty similar...
I have Netflix now! Well... I stole my friend's password... so
I don't like Carrie Underwood as much any more!
So that's different.

Most importantly I'd still like to be on SNL one day. I'm in two Improv groups on IU's campus which is an actual step towards that dream.

Wow, it has been great catching up.
I really missed you, internet.
I can tell by my 4 pageviews today that you really missed me too.
Promise me we'll actually keep in touch ok?
I'll call you tomorrow.
Or at least text you.
Facebook message like... at the very least.
Do you still have that Earthlink account?