Well I was gonna go the “hit it and quit it” blogging route. This is where I just blog the one time then leave the Internet begging for more without ever giving it up, but after the overwhelming response to my first blog I just couldn’t let my adoring fans down.
So, my air conditioning is broken. It sucks. My house is hotter than your bathroom the Wednesday after Taco Tuesday[1]. Right now I’m really afraid for my life. Tempers have been raging all day. Adding heat to the mixture is like adding beer and illegal fireworks to a hillbilly fourth of July, or adding cocaine and a highly publicized interview to an already unstable Charlie Sheen, or adding a cell phone and a Twitter account to a horny Anthony Weiner[2]. It’s only a matter of time before someone busts and posts a picture of their junk on Twitter or claims to be made of tiger blood or sets themselves on fire. My goal now is to stay out of the way until the air comes back on so that I don’t face the fiery wrath of an angry parent. I’m an extremely fragile person, at least when it comes to parents yelling at me. If I am forced to face said wrath of fire I might just crumble up and die of shame, the way we all wish Sarah Palin would[3].
Even my dogs are feeling the heat. Instead of happily sniffing/ licking each other’s butts they are squeaking their chew toys and staring intensely into each other’s eyes in a weird canine showdown. I don’t really know what happening, but like my parents, I fully intend to avoid my dogs. When one of them turns into Cujo and eats the other I plan to be safely in my room, I even hid a comically large T-bone steak in my brother’s room to ensure he will be eaten before I am[4].
So basically it’s just me sweating alone in my bedroom watching a Golden Girls marathon waiting to die of heat exhaustion or be slaughtered in a family member’s murderous rage. Sofia just made a feisty comment about Blanche being a whore. Hahaha, it’s so true.
haha wow...did your air conditioning really go out cause you never told me that
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